Well, I think the universe decided to put me in Josh's shoes last night. Not quite as bad though. I gave Fred (made up name) a ride back from Magic. I usually offer him a ride because he doesn't drive and someone has to take him home at the end of the night. As we pulled into his apartment complex he said there's been something he's been meaning to ask me.. "Are you gay?"
My eyes dazed over, my heart stopped. The last time someone asked me that was when my Mother asked me in the car 3 years ago. Why was he asking me this? I didn't want to lie since he was a friend, so I said "Uhh... kinda, yeah, maybe..?" "Why?".. He seemed kind of nervous, then asked me "If I'd be interested in him."
I was hit over the head by a proverbial mallet. 3 times. 1) I just came out to him. 2)HE just came out to me.. 3) He wants to know if I'm interested.. I'm not.. not in the least, and what makes it worse is he's a great Magic friend, and I don't want to ruin that.
I told him "Uh.. I think it would be awkward." (An understatement)
He said he had talked to his 'lesbian' friend and she told him to just ask me. I told him I was proud of him and I had definitely done the same before.. He seems like he is choking on his tongue, and leaves.
I was shocked, of course. Numb as I drove home. As I crawled into bed and slept. Numb off and on today, but I am feeling better, and I feel like I'm forgetting it. BUT yeah I think I feel worse because I had done worse to Josh. The fact that I thought we could work it through shows how much I didn't grasp the situation. I was dieing then, and still couldn't see straight.
Tomorrow is FNM, and I'm going I think, since I could make this worse if I don't show up.