God...
Josh is leaving me. He's doesn't want to be roommates anymore. He's finding another apartment. It's all over. I fucked up a million times over and this is killing me. He's killed me. I've killed me.
I tried talking to him. I told him about the crush. I told him what i did was wrong and I'd take it back a thousand times but he's made up his mind. What has been done was done in his eyes. I can't believe this is happening. Please wake me up from this nightmare. I don't have the energy to post right now, and I don't think I will for a while.
Happy fucking birthday.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Deleted Post
I really appreciate your support and I'm sorry I deleted it, but it's something I want to forget and move on from. I'm feeling better now.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Can't believe it.
There will be a post soon, maybe tomorrow since it will take me a long time to write this one. To give you a vague hint, I told Josh something I shouldn't have, and now I think he's a bit freaked out. He's gone for the weekend visiting his brother at his college, so not only am I also freaked about what I told him, but I'm here alone to dwell on it.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Freaking Car
Friday was a bad day. Work was fine, it was my car. I dropped my car off in the morning at a Firestone to get an emissions test and an oil change. I also told them to inspect the brakes because I had noticed they were squeaking when I braked while backing up. I got a call while at work and the guy said that my front rotors needed replaced, I needed a new tie rod, my rear shocks looked horrible, and the rear drums needed resurfaced (this is what was causing the squeaking). He also wanted me to get new rear tires, but I had to say no because of how much everything was costing me. Yeah, it was a bad day because it all cost over 1,000 dollars!!! That's how much my car is worth! Anyway, I was lucky because I had that much in the bank, but it really really sucks because now I have to wait another month to get my bed. With the conversion my paychecks are coming bi-weekly instead of weekly, so I have to give that some time to get used to before I start spending money again... On the bright side, my car runs much smoother now, and I noticed that the steering wheel sits level when I'm driving now instead of tilted slightly... must have been because they re-aligned my wheels when they changed the tie-rod.
Josh and I played MUA2 again for the night, and he didn't call his gf until 11:30 ish, instead of his scheduled 10PM time.
Today, Saturday, I got up, got a shower, and went to the mall to get some new shoes and clothes to celebrate my conversion.
Josh and I played MUA2 again for the night, and he didn't call his gf until 11:30 ish, instead of his scheduled 10PM time.
Today, Saturday, I got up, got a shower, and went to the mall to get some new shoes and clothes to celebrate my conversion.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
My Exciting (and crazy) Life
Saturday, I met Jason in Hartford to spend the afternoon with him... He's the asian guy I met online. I wasn't interested really in meeting him because I thought our AIM conversations were'nt amounting to much, but I did anyway because I couldn't say no. We ate lunch at this random place and I payed for it. I think I'm the kind of person where if I think I make more money than someone else, I'll offer to pay for things.. and with my raise I just assume these things :P
After lunch we walked through the park, the both of us not knowing our way around Hartford at all. We eventually found the Art Museam and toured that. He payed for my ticket before I could offer again, but it was good because he had his old student ID and we got in for student price.
The art museam was both interesting and boring... lol. I love art, but I guess I wasn't interested in realism for the most part, and that is what they specialized in. I'm more of an ancient artifact/statue/architect admirer.
After the museam we walked back to the train station, hugged, and parted. I'm sure you're thinking "Aww, how nice.", but like I said I wasn't really interested in meeting him, so I wasn't inclined to talk much. I kind of felt bad, but I need to be interested to have converastion, but I just wasn't feeling it.
Sunday Josh came by my room and asked if I wanted to walk to the mall with him, so naturally I said yes. We walked across the street to the mall and Josh pre-ordered Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for the Xbox. We walked around Barnes and Noble for a few minutes and then went back to the apartment. I like to ask Josh if he would like to go out to eat usually every Sunday, and he said sure. We ended up ordering Chinese, and it was really good. I ordered the Orange Chicken.
Monday, Josh and I played some CoD4. Not sure what else I did >.>
Tuesday, Josh and I left work early so that I could do my drug test. Josh dropped me off at the clinic, went to pick up Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, then picked me back up. We had dinner then we played that game for the next 4 hours. It is a great game, especially playing co-op. Josh's character of choice is Gambit, and I've been playing as Wolverine. This is one of Josh's favorite aspects to playing videogames, co-op is. He's a very social person, and I guess it's rubbed off onto me. I can't stand playing any game alone, it's.. well, lonely. It's also part of why I became addicted to FFXI, the "massively muliplayer" online experience.
Today, work was very busy. I was in meetings for most of the day, and I am being given a lot of work.
After work, we had dinner and started playing MUA2 again. We stopped a little early because his gf called.
PS. I get converted the 21st! Only 2 days left making my current salary, then I get an increase Monday :D Can't wait!
After lunch we walked through the park, the both of us not knowing our way around Hartford at all. We eventually found the Art Museam and toured that. He payed for my ticket before I could offer again, but it was good because he had his old student ID and we got in for student price.
The art museam was both interesting and boring... lol. I love art, but I guess I wasn't interested in realism for the most part, and that is what they specialized in. I'm more of an ancient artifact/statue/architect admirer.
After the museam we walked back to the train station, hugged, and parted. I'm sure you're thinking "Aww, how nice.", but like I said I wasn't really interested in meeting him, so I wasn't inclined to talk much. I kind of felt bad, but I need to be interested to have converastion, but I just wasn't feeling it.
Sunday Josh came by my room and asked if I wanted to walk to the mall with him, so naturally I said yes. We walked across the street to the mall and Josh pre-ordered Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for the Xbox. We walked around Barnes and Noble for a few minutes and then went back to the apartment. I like to ask Josh if he would like to go out to eat usually every Sunday, and he said sure. We ended up ordering Chinese, and it was really good. I ordered the Orange Chicken.
Monday, Josh and I played some CoD4. Not sure what else I did >.>
Tuesday, Josh and I left work early so that I could do my drug test. Josh dropped me off at the clinic, went to pick up Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, then picked me back up. We had dinner then we played that game for the next 4 hours. It is a great game, especially playing co-op. Josh's character of choice is Gambit, and I've been playing as Wolverine. This is one of Josh's favorite aspects to playing videogames, co-op is. He's a very social person, and I guess it's rubbed off onto me. I can't stand playing any game alone, it's.. well, lonely. It's also part of why I became addicted to FFXI, the "massively muliplayer" online experience.
Today, work was very busy. I was in meetings for most of the day, and I am being given a lot of work.
After work, we had dinner and started playing MUA2 again. We stopped a little early because his gf called.
PS. I get converted the 21st! Only 2 days left making my current salary, then I get an increase Monday :D Can't wait!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Update way past my bed time
A little update here, lets see if I can remember the week.
We had monday off, and I spent most of it in the apartment just playing Xbox while Josh was driving all day on his way back from visiting his gf. At least I went out and got my haircut.
Tuesday I cannot remember what happend :p I probably just played CoD4 with Josh shortly, then talked online with people. This guy I met on the dating site, we'll dub him Jason, wants to meet me Saturday afternoon for lunch or coffee or something. I'm not really excited about it, but I couldn't say no, so I'll at least try to see if we can make conversation.
Wednesday, Josh and I left work early to get a drug test done for our employee conversion background screening... it's really just a bother. Well, after waiting 45 min the nurse comes by and tells me my drug test pass had expired an hour ago because whoever entered the information into the computer entered it from another time zone, and not eastern >.>... So I don't know what is going to happen with that. Either I'll get a new one, or they'll think i'm avoiding because I'm a druggie... (of course i'm not, but you know that right?).
This was also an upsetting night because Josh decied to hole himself up in his room from about 7:30PM until the end of the night.
Tonight, right after dinner Josh made it a point to come over to my room and ask to play something. i think he felt bad after shutting me out last night, because well it was obvious he did. So we played for some while and then I realized the Steeler game was on, so I watched that. Yay, the Steelers won, but Santonio Holmes is on my opponent's fantasy football team, so booo at the same time.
We had monday off, and I spent most of it in the apartment just playing Xbox while Josh was driving all day on his way back from visiting his gf. At least I went out and got my haircut.
Tuesday I cannot remember what happend :p I probably just played CoD4 with Josh shortly, then talked online with people. This guy I met on the dating site, we'll dub him Jason, wants to meet me Saturday afternoon for lunch or coffee or something. I'm not really excited about it, but I couldn't say no, so I'll at least try to see if we can make conversation.
Wednesday, Josh and I left work early to get a drug test done for our employee conversion background screening... it's really just a bother. Well, after waiting 45 min the nurse comes by and tells me my drug test pass had expired an hour ago because whoever entered the information into the computer entered it from another time zone, and not eastern >.>... So I don't know what is going to happen with that. Either I'll get a new one, or they'll think i'm avoiding because I'm a druggie... (of course i'm not, but you know that right?).
This was also an upsetting night because Josh decied to hole himself up in his room from about 7:30PM until the end of the night.
Tonight, right after dinner Josh made it a point to come over to my room and ask to play something. i think he felt bad after shutting me out last night, because well it was obvious he did. So we played for some while and then I realized the Steeler game was on, so I watched that. Yay, the Steelers won, but Santonio Holmes is on my opponent's fantasy football team, so booo at the same time.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Weekend to Myself with some Cologne
Sorry, been a long time since last post.
All this week Josh has been needing to stay late at work to get things done, and he was starting to tick me off because I knew he wanted to leave early on Friday, and it seemed like he was only staying later because of that. I felt like I was being taken advantage of, so I called him out on it Wednesday when he revealed he needed to stay late again. He claimed that was only a side benefit and not the root cause. Well, it seems like he actually is in a large pile of work, so it wasn't entirely his fault. I kind of felt bad, but still I was upset because I was being held to stay later when I didn't have to. That's the downside to carpooling I guess.
Josh signed up to do a "check out" at home for work at 5 AM this morning.
This weekend I have had the apartment to myself. Josh went to see his girlfriend at college for the break. I've been playing CoD4 on the 360... time really flies when you are playing an online game. I can only imagine how bored i'd be without it.
I cleaned up this morning and went to the mall and got a new cologne. I went into the small store after many times passing it and being too nervous to enter. Really, I've just never been in one and I didn't know how you were supposed to browse what scent you wanted. So I went in and I just kind of stood there looking around aimlessly, and the girl who works there asked me if I needed anything. The first thing that came to mind was Guess "Man" because I had tried a sample before and liked it. So I asked for it, then she suggested that I try some other ones, and she brought over a couple of Nautica and she said she preferred them because they smelled more "fresh" and not as musky as Guess. I took her advice and went with Nautica "White Sail", which smells awesome by the way. I'm happy with how that turned out.
Tonight I'll be cleaning up the place since I've been putting it off.
In other good news, I found out that I will be turning employee officially Sept. 21 (or so we hope) and that my salary will be substantially higher than what it is now. I probally shouldn't say how much it is, but it's a good amount. I just keep thinking how lucky I am to be where I'm at and I am very gratefull to be here.
All this week Josh has been needing to stay late at work to get things done, and he was starting to tick me off because I knew he wanted to leave early on Friday, and it seemed like he was only staying later because of that. I felt like I was being taken advantage of, so I called him out on it Wednesday when he revealed he needed to stay late again. He claimed that was only a side benefit and not the root cause. Well, it seems like he actually is in a large pile of work, so it wasn't entirely his fault. I kind of felt bad, but still I was upset because I was being held to stay later when I didn't have to. That's the downside to carpooling I guess.
Josh signed up to do a "check out" at home for work at 5 AM this morning.
This weekend I have had the apartment to myself. Josh went to see his girlfriend at college for the break. I've been playing CoD4 on the 360... time really flies when you are playing an online game. I can only imagine how bored i'd be without it.
I cleaned up this morning and went to the mall and got a new cologne. I went into the small store after many times passing it and being too nervous to enter. Really, I've just never been in one and I didn't know how you were supposed to browse what scent you wanted. So I went in and I just kind of stood there looking around aimlessly, and the girl who works there asked me if I needed anything. The first thing that came to mind was Guess "Man" because I had tried a sample before and liked it. So I asked for it, then she suggested that I try some other ones, and she brought over a couple of Nautica and she said she preferred them because they smelled more "fresh" and not as musky as Guess. I took her advice and went with Nautica "White Sail", which smells awesome by the way. I'm happy with how that turned out.
Tonight I'll be cleaning up the place since I've been putting it off.
In other good news, I found out that I will be turning employee officially Sept. 21 (or so we hope) and that my salary will be substantially higher than what it is now. I probally shouldn't say how much it is, but it's a good amount. I just keep thinking how lucky I am to be where I'm at and I am very gratefull to be here.
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