A friend came out to me..

Well, I think the universe decided to put me in Josh's shoes last night. Not quite as bad though. I gave Fred (made up name) a ride back from Magic. I usually offer him a ride because he doesn't drive and someone has to take him home at the end of the night. As we pulled into his apartment complex he said there's been something he's been meaning to ask me.. "Are you gay?"

My eyes dazed over, my heart stopped. The last time someone asked me that was when my Mother asked me in the car 3 years ago. Why was he asking me this? I didn't want to lie since he was a friend, so I said "Uhh... kinda, yeah, maybe..?" "Why?".. He seemed kind of nervous, then asked me "If I'd be interested in him."

BAM!

I was hit over the head by a proverbial mallet. 3 times. 1) I just came out to him. 2)HE just came out to me.. 3) He wants to know if I'm interested.. I'm not.. not in the least, and what makes it worse is he's a great Magic friend, and I don't want to ruin that.

I told him "Uh.. I think it would be awkward." (An understatement)

He said he had talked to his 'lesbian' friend and she told him to just ask me. I told him I was proud of him and I had definitely done the same before.. He seems like he is choking on his tongue, and leaves.

I was shocked, of course. Numb as I drove home. As I crawled into bed and slept. Numb off and on today, but I am feeling better, and I feel like I'm forgetting it. BUT yeah I think I feel worse because I had done worse to Josh. The fact that I thought we could work it through shows how much I didn't grasp the situation. I was dieing then, and still couldn't see straight.

Tomorrow is FNM, and I'm going I think, since I could make this worse if I don't show up.

GP Providence and saving money

Last weekend Jamie and a few other magic friends spent the weekend in Providence for the Magic Grand Prix Legacy event. It was a pretty sweet experience and makes the first 'pro' event I've been to. Players from all around the world fly to GPs to compete for Pro points and prize, making it a very competitive environment. It was amazing to see some big names at the event, and it was especially surprising to me how tall they all were in person. Giant! I saw LSV, PV and Owen Turtenwald play and the perfection that they played at was fantastic to watch. Really inspiring. I myself didn't have any byes for the event (Pros come in with 3 byes on day one) and I went 4-3 before I dropped. You needed to be X-2 to have a chance to top 8 after 17 rounds! There were 1200 people there!

I just had the urge to finally tighten up my spending. I just got stuff to pack lunches after not packing a lunch for a year and a half. That alone will save me over 100$ a month. I can cut FNM for a while and save 60$ a month, plus I am canceling netflix (I never use it anyway) and closed one of my FFxi accounts. That'll easily save 200 a month. Working to see if I have another 100 somewhere will be more challenging though..

It's been getting hot again :( I've been hearing about storms that my friends and family have gotten in PA and I am jealous :( We haven't gotten ANY thunderstorms yet where I live in CT...

Tomorrow marks exactly 2 years since I started working in CT. It's quite a big feat and I hope I can make it last a few more.

Changes

My team at work was pulled together to have a meeting yesterday. My manager informed us that we were 'running hot' and the department was making cuts.. He didn't say much about who, but he said we were all safe (those that were in the meeting). Jamie wasn't on messenger all day, so I feared the worst. Turns out he was let go, along with a lot of other people. Really shocking and a reminder of 'job mortality'. Jamie was the one who arranged my interview. He's the reason I have a job in CT now, and now he's gone... Haven't talked to him, maybe I'll see him tonight.

Cute cards

Had a meeting with my manager last week and he said he was hearing good things about my performance. Then he said the next thing we need to do is get me out of my closet! Then he started laughing.. lol. I'm normally a quiet person, so I hope he meant get me talking more..

Saturday I was at a Magic PTQ tournament in Boston (Charleston) all day. I only had 4 hrs of sleep the night before so I attribute my bad plays on that..

Today I woke up at like 1 PM by some friends from the magic shop I play at. They wanted me to come down to play Standard so that the event would fire. I threw a deck together quick and rushed over. There were 2 other guys that I hadn't seen before and one was cute. I think he was checking me out too..

Anyway.. they had driven an hour from the north to play in this event thinking it was going to be a huge tournament, but they were mistaken. I won the first round easily but at the beginning of the second round I had my deck checked and received a game loss for improper deck registration (I scribbled the list down in 2 minutes). It was single-elim so of course I quickly lost that match.

Meh

Fruit flies are driving me insane! They seem to have decided to make my apartment a permanent home until winter comes. Can't seem to get rid of them, but they did lessen after I cleaned the place a bit. lol.

It looks like I'll be taking a position of tester at work, leaving my developer status for now. The big boss wanted me to do it and see if I like it... I'm not really thrilled but it could be easy. Just don't know how the rest of my career will pan out. As long as I do a good job they/I will be happy.

29 days until FFXIV comes out. Pumped!

One Year Later

It's officially been one year since I've first started this blog and one year and one month since I've moved to Connecticut. Wow, I cannot believe how much has happened in the past year and how quickly the anniversary came. About this time last year I was living with Josh. I remember playing Call of Duty 4 after work all the time and I remember picking like 20 lbs of blueberries. I remember cooking a lot and making sweet deserts on Sundays. I remember meeting a boy for a month and making a mistake with Josh. I remember tearing myself apart over it and barely hanging on. I have so much to thank you guys for helping me through it. I am very fortunate to have started this blog.

After I split with Josh I got my own apartment and I've been living under my terms. I haven't talked with Josh since. In the end I think it was better for me, emotionally. I was always depressed when I was with him because I knew I could never have him. Now that I'm on my own and living without him I don't get depressed anymore. I've honestly never had a moment since then where I have been really sad.

Nowadays I still play Magic: the Gathering a lot and I'm looking forward to the release of Final Fantasy XIV online. They finally published a release date for it: Sept. 30th! It'll be coming out the week of my birthday and I'll be taking about 2 weeks of work off to play it lol...

Next week is Connecticon, a convention held every year in CT. It'll be a fun filled weekend of Magic and other geeky activities I am sure. Looking forward to it!

Another day

I've probably done a lot the past few weeks. Last weekend for example I went to Rhode Island with an attractive yet obnoxious teen to play in a magic tournament. I've also recently gone back to eating real food for dinners. Tonight I'll be playing cards again as well.

Final Fantasy 14 has been making advances in development and they had a display at E3 which was today. I can't wait for that game to come out. I've given up on FF11 because I just can't play without my original character.

When I logged into MSN messenger today an article popped up called "Australian 'angel' saves lives at suicide spot". I read it and felt my tears well up at one point. I think it might have inspired me to post. Here is the link: Link